A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?" He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and (hold iron to ear(shhh! I accidentally answered the iron." The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?" He says, "Well, I had to call the doctor!"

An insurance claim agent was teaching his wife to drive when the brakes suddenly failed on a steep, downhill grade. "I can't stop!" she shrilled. "What shall I do?" "Brace yourself," advised her husband, "and try to hit something cheap.